Sugar and Spice
by paper fox
Summary: [complete] An accident in the Rekoruto Library results in a rather… err… unusual curse on Fai. [KuroFai][AU set during the Rekoruto arc]
1. Chapter 1

**Sugar and Spice**

by paperfox

Chapter 1

_Day 1_

Fai was having a spazzing fit in the back of Rekoruto Library's infirmary. But since it was Fai's spazzing fit, it was about as visible as Mokona's nonexistent eyeballs, though the frustrated aggravation he was radiating was obvious enough to ward off even Sakura.

Kurogane, on the other hand, was having a hard time hiding his amusement (he was also a little fascinated, but no amount of bodily harm will ever get him to admit to that). He set his face in a stubborn frown because any other expression would have been too revealing and stared hard at the ceiling because his eyes kept trying to zero-in on Fai's chest but he was _not _going to succumb… oops, there it goes.

"I don't suppose you have another spell to counteract this?" Fai expression was thin and it grew thinner when his voice jumped a few pitches higher.

"We never found to need to create one, since everyone who had touched that book before understood its effects. We never experienced an accident like this," the librarian hesitated, and then added sympathetically, "But don't worry, the spell will wear off in seven days."

"Seven—?" Fai grew very still.

"If it's any consolation," the librarian added quickly, "you make a very pretty lady."

Fai twitched. Then he took a few deep breaths and managed a smile. "Aa."

The librarian smiled back and Kurogane was a bit creeped because there was no way in hell anyone could mistaken Fai's smile as friendly.

"This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't tried to touch that book," Syaoran said miserably. "Fai-san, I'm sorry!"

"Syaoran-kun—" Fai's voice climbed octaves again. "It's alright."

"But if I hadn't knocked into your hand…!"

"Oi, it was an accident," Kurogane interrupted before Syaoran could go into another self-depreciating monologue. He glanced at Fai briefly and immediately looked to the ceiling again. "What else did that curse do, besides… _that_?"

"Nothing else," Fai voice had a faint razor edge to it. "But this is quite enough, don't you think?"

Kurogane knew smirking was not a good thing to do at the moment and frowned with more determination. But really, this situation was amusing even if the kids looked horrified and Fai was throwing a fantastic tantrum (but only mentally, of course). Kurogane had to admit to some guilty pleasure in seeing Fai finally lose his composure.

"If you need help with anything else…" the librarian began.

"No, that's alright," Fai said. "I think we'll leave now." He swung his legs (her legs?) off the examination bed, took two steps, wobbled, and fell flat on his face.

Half an hour later, they were back in the town where they first arrived, making their way slowly through the crowded street. Fai kept stumbling sporadically, walking with an awkward gait, ill at ease with his suddenly unfamiliar body.

And Kurogane was staring. He couldn't stop. Something about this situation was hammering away at the last vestiges of his sanity.

Fai was a friggin' woman, with hips and curves and… stuff. Oddly enough, Fai didn't look that much different, with only a softer chin, a slightly more pronounced waist, and… chest lumps. Really small chest lumps.

Fai, sensing Kurogane's eyes on him and probably everyone else's too, sped up when they neared their small rented flat. He made a beeline for the bedroom the moment they stepped inside, or tried to, anyway, because he hadn't made halfway through the living room before tripping over another nonexistent bump and hitting the floor with a muffled thud.

Sakura gasped, "Fai-san!" and Syaoran immediately ran to help him up.

"Aa, so clumsy," Fai said with a slightly abashed smile. "It feels like I drank too much."

Kurogane tried but couldn't quite manage a frown. "Is it that hard to walk with extra meat?"

The smile on Fai's face shifted and Kurogane recognized it as the one he wore to the battlefield in Yama, right before he embedded an arrow into someone's eye.

"Now, if Kuro-pii is so curious, why don't we go back to the library and find that book?" Fai said with perfect serenity. Then he marched into the bedroom and shut the door firmly behind him.

Syaoran looked apprehensive. "Did Fai-san seem a bit… angry, to you?"

"Fai-san must be having a hard time," Sakura said with a note of sympathy. "Maybe we should try to cheer him up."

Sakura looked much too eager and Kurogane wondered just how deprived she had been of female companionship. And then he remembered Amaterasu and Souma and the other women in the castle gathering together to 'cheer up' and felt like cringing. The next seven days suddenly looked bleak.

"Should we go buy Fai-san a dress?" Sakura mused.

_Day 2_

By the next morning, Fai bounced back to deal with his current dilemma in a typical Fai-esque fashion—run away, and if that doesn't work, pretend its not there. After his first day of hiding out in the room and moping, Fai went on without a hitch as though he didn't suddenly have meat in weird places.

He was up bright and early clearing out the dust in their tiny flat, wearing the shirt and pants with the waistcoat partly unbuttoned, looking stubbornly normal.

"What are your plans for today, Syaoran-kun?" Fai asked. He voice was feminine and unfamiliar and Fai frowned slightly at the sound.

"I think the library is still the best source of information," Syaoran said as he shook out the tablecloth. "We'll just have to be more careful this time."

Fai nodded, "Take Kuro-wanwan with you. Sakura-chan and I will go explore the city today."

"Un!" Sakura beamed, complete with sparkles and flowers. "We're going shopping."

"Eh?" Kurogane eyed them both apprehensively. "For what?"

"Food," Fai explained. "We'll be asking around for information there as well."

"Fai-san, let's buy a dress for you," Sakura suggested again.

Kurogane didn't understand the girl's obsession with Fai in a dress, but he had to admit he was intrigued by the idea (just a little!).

"Aa… Sakura-chan, that's really alright," Fai's smile looked a bit frayed around the edges. "We don't have much money and seven days isn't very long."

"We might be out of this country in seven days," Kurogane pointed out. "We should at least try to blend in."

Syaoran whipped around to gawk at him in shock. Fai stared at him blankly, and then his smile slowly turned devious.

"Ne, does Kuro-pon want to see me in a dress?" Fai asked, draping himself over the front of the counter in a manner that could only be viewed as suggestive.

"Kurogane-daddy wants Fai-mommy in a dress!" Mokona chipped from its place on the table.

"You damned manjuu bun!" Kurogane roared, taking a swipe at it.

Fai laughed and turned back to his cleaning, shutting the pantry door as he did so, and suddenly flinched back with a yelp.

Kurogane looked at him in confusion. "What was that?"

Fai wore a faintly pained expression, "Nothing, I just… nevermind. I think this room is pretty much done. Let's head out now, shall we?"

When Kurogane and Syaoran returned later that day, the house was eerily silent. The living room was empty and the door to the bedroom was closed. Syaoran pushed open the door and jumped in surprise when someone on the other side abruptly forced it shut.

"Sorry, Syaoran-kun, but don't come in yet!" Sakura said. She sounded excited. "We're almost done!"

Kurogane and Syaoran exchanged an apprehensive look.

"What's going on?" Syaoran asked.

The door opened a crack and Mokona poked its head through. "We bought Fai a dress," it whispered furtively.

Kurogane choked. "What!"

"People were staring," Mokona explained, and Kurogane didn't know how something that looked like a meat bun with ears could manage look so scheming. "Mokona saw a dress that looked like one of Yuuko's dresses and Mokona liked it and Sakura did too and we wanted Fai to wear it… oh, it's done!"

Both Kurogane and Syaoran took a quick step back as Mokona threw the door open wide.

"It looks very good on you, Fai-san," Sakura was saying, and as Kurogane observed, it did.

The dress was in a style common to Rekoruto, with a high frilled collar, tight fitting bodice and a long, bell-shaped skirt colored in whites and grays, and looked elegant on Fai's long figure. Fai did not look comfortable though, and held himself stiffly.

"Eh… this is not easy to move in," Fai noted as he circled the room experimentally. He really was more graceful without hips.

"But it makes Fai-mommy look so beautiful!" Mokona said, hopping on Fai's shoulder, but the mage's sense of balance was knocked completely askew by the curse and toppled over the moment Mokona landed on him.

Shit, he's wearing women undergarments too, Kurogane noted as he watched Fai flail on the ground, and then did a double-take.

Syaoran blushed scarlet (Kurogane didn't because he was ninja and therefore, does not blush) and they both made a strategic retreat into the kitchen with the excuse of cooking dinner even though the only thing Kurogane could make that didn't taste burnt was tea and Syaoran only knew how to cut bread.

_Day 3_

Fai was rediscovering his love for sugar. That was the only explanation for the monstrosities on the table. Kurogane eyed the stack of little brown circles piled high on his plate and Fai, who was digging into them enthusiastically. Syaoran and Sakura were already eating.

"What," Kurogane began, eyeing his plate with suspicion, "are these spots?"

"Chocolate chips," Fai said. His eyes had the feverish brightness of someone who hadn't slept for days. "Rekoruto has the most amazing chocolate."

"But do you have to put it in bread?" Kurogane snapped.

"That's not bread. They're pancakes and they're supposed to be sweet," Fai's smile grew brighter. Judging by the sheer force of artificial cheer he was radiating, Fai could have been wearing sparkles. It was setting Kurogane's nerves on edge.

"I refuse to eat anything that looks like enlarged bird-poop," Kurogane muttered.

There was a sharp _zing!_ and everyone reflexively flinched when Fai rammed a fork into Kurogane's stack of pancakes hard enough to bury part of the hilt. Then without a word, Fai pushed back his chair and disappeared into the kitchen.

Sakura and Syaoran were staring after Fai with stunned horror. Kurogane got up and followed the mage. Inside the kitchen, Fai was stubbornly stirring another batter, his shoulders set at rigid angles and his face overshadowed by his long bangs.

"Oi, what's wrong with you?" Kurogane asked with a frown.

Fai stared hard at Kurogane. "I'm angry."

Kurogane was thrown off by the sudden admission and wondered if he was hearing things. "What? Why?"

"I don't know. I just am," Fai made a frustrated huff. "I have no reason to be. I don't know what's going on."

"You're a woman," Kurogane noted.

Fai fingers were white as they clutched the bowl. "I know. You don't have to say it again."

The mage was truly angry. He made no effort to hide it, or perhaps he was no longer sure how to. Kurogane was absolutely fascinated.

"What I meant was, you're acting like a woman," 'menstruating' Kurogane was going to add but decided Fai wouldn't have appreciated it.

"And you're amused," Fai said with a note of accusation.

Kurogane resisted the urge to take a step back.

"I haven't slept in two days," Fai continued. "Have you ever tried sleeping on your stomach with breasts?"

"Uh," Kurogane paused, wondering if that was a trick question with a secret right answer besides the obvious. "No?"

"It's uncomfortable," Fai said sullenly, "and so does getting them caught on the pantry door."

"You barely have any breasts," Kurogane pointed out, and noticed by the way Fai's lips thinned that it was probably a bad thing to say aloud.

Fai whipped around to face him fully. "Why, do you think they should be bigger?"

This time, Kurogane did retreat. "I didn't say anything like that!"

"You implied it!"

And Kurogane had to dodge quickly to avoid the swipe of the mixing spoon, flabbergasted and bewildered as hell.

"What the fuck—!" Kurogane began.

"Out! Get out!" Fai brandished the spoon, splattering batter.

Kurogane didn't need further prompting and quickly retreated back into the living room. Hormones and Fai. Kurogane shuddered. As if the idiot needed any more excuses for acting crazy.

"What happened?" Syaoran asked worriedly when he noticed Kurogane harried look.

"I don't know but we're going out to buy alcohol," Kurogane told him.

_Day 4_

"I feel like I'm loosing my mind," Fai moaned. He flopped back on the rickety old couch, a mostly empty glass in his hand.

"Mm," Kurogane agreed absently and refilled his cup with the near-empty wine bottle.

The kids were out searching for information and Kurogane figured if he was forced to deal with this mentally imbalanced Fai by himself, he'd at least try to get them both drunk out of their minds. Considering their alcohol tolerance, it didn't seem likely, but at the very least, it'd make Fai sleepy and the mage really looked like he needed rest.

"I didn't think it would be so bad," Fai continued. "I can deal with this body, but it's like I suddenly don't know what I feel anymore, and then I get angry or happy for no reason at all and it's…" Fai broke off to sigh sorrowfully.

"Mm." One thing Kurogane learned from his dealings with Souma and the other kunoichi from the castle was never stop making noise when listening to them rant, because then they start noticing that you were not paying attention and things could get pretty ugly.

"Three more days," Fai muttered to himself. "It's almost over. Why are the days going by so slowly?"

"Mm," Kurogane said again.

Fai drained his cup and then paused to observe Kurogane over the rim. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

Kurogane hesitated. He took a large gulp directly from the bottle before he answered, "Yes."

"Oh," Fai's brow furrowed. "It's sort of working."

Remembering Fai and alcohol in Shara, Kurogane didn't think it was possible to get Fai drunk short of dying from blood poisoning.

"Really?" Kurogane eyed the mage skeptically.

"I feel…" that smile that stretched over Fai's face definitely looked inebriated, "warm and fuzzy." Fai turned to observe Kurogane, his head tilted in consideration. "Ne, Kuro-pon, let's have sex!"

Kurogane spluttered. "_What_!"

"Let's have sex!" Fai repeated, and promptly plopped himself (herself?) into Kurogane's lap. Kurogane nearly crushed his wineglass. "Ne, aren't you curious what it's like?"

"You say it like I've never slept with a woman before," Kurogane snapped. But he made no motion to shove the mage off his lap.

Fai pouted. "Well, I'm curious." He bounced a little. "Let's do it, Kuro-pii!"

There's was a part of him (a small part!) that was genuinely tempted (just a little!) in the idea of blending Fai over the coffee table. Kurogane eyed the mage speculatively.

Kurogane would be lying if he claimed to have never of considered the mage this way. It was impossible to deny that Fai was physically beautiful, but the mage was the master at dodging things that mattered and he was really too frustrating to deal with most of the time. But there were times when Kurogane was tempted, and with Fai offering it so freely, this was something Kurogane couldn't refuse. If anything, they could blame the alcohol.

He placed his hand on Fai's knee lightly, and paused to see his response. The mage's casual sloppiness slipped and the look that Fai gave him was sharp and crystal clear.

"I guess we are going to try this out then, ne?" Fai said with a soft smile.

"Hn," Kurogane responded, and pulled the mage in for a kiss.

He missed.

Kurogane blinked when he himself kissing Fai's chin, with Fai's nose mashed against his cheek. Fai must have had overbalanced as Kurogane pulled him and fallen over him. Kurogane drew back a little, intent on correctly the mistake, and at the same time, Fai went for his neck. All Kurogane succeeded in doing was poking Fai rather hard in the chest.

Fai flopped sideways onto the couch. "We fail!" he moaned.

"Don't include me in that," Kurogane snapped.

Fai reached forward and dragged Kurogane down by his shirt collar, "Try harder!" he ordered, fingers working to deftly unbutton his shirt.

"Are you drunk?" Kurogane asked suspiciously.

Knowing Fai's unnatural ability to tolerate toxic chemicals, Kurogane didn't think it was likely, but Fai was making less sense than usual and had developed a flush that went down to his shoulders.

Fai didn't pause to answer him, and just focused on stripping Kurogane of his shirt. "You are not helping," Fai pointed out with a faint pout.

Between Fai's curse and the bottles of liquor, Kurogane realized this could easily become a spectacularly ugly misunderstanding. Kurogane caught Fai's wrists, but then Fai wrapped his long legs around Kurogane's waist and arched against him and Kurogane forgot why he wanted to stop.

Kurogane leaned forward, pressing his hands on the couch for balance and trapping Fai between his arms, and pressed open mouthed kisses to Fai's neck. Fai was mewing, squirming, his hands running over Kurogane's back to pull him closer.

Kurogane's shirt was loose and hanging off his elbows, and he shrugged out of it and tossed it away absently. Fai's partially unbuttoned waistcoat was easy to slip off, and Kurogane worked to free Fai from the rest of his clothes, slipping his hand under Fai's shirt to feel the smooth skin below. Suddenly, Fai squeaked and flinched back.

"You _groped_ me," Fai said accusingly.

"…" Kurogane looked down and noticed one of his hands was on Fai's right breast and squeezing, and tried to remember when that had happened. Kurogane wondered if he should feel guilty.

"That was weird," Fai was thoughtful. "Do it again."

Kurogane blinked. "What?"

"I'm not sure whether I like it or not. It felt a bit strange. It stung a bit but mumpff—"

Kurogane drew back from the kiss and glared down at the mage. "You," he said between kisses, "need to shut _up_."

Kurogane could feel Fai's mouth curve into a smile beneath his lips, "Maybe, after you take these off," Fai gave Kurogane's pants a sharp tug.

Kurogane grunted in response and, just to spite him, concentrated on stripping Fai instead. He lifted Fai by the small of his back to ease his pants off his hips and slip the unbuttoned shirt over his shoulders and down his arms, until it hung loose from Fai's left wrist.

Kurogane leaned back to look at Fai closely, skimming his hands along the unfamiliar body. Fai had always been slender, and the curse gave him curves that looked awkward on him, with hipbones that jutted out at harsh angles and a narrow, sharply tapered torso.

Kurogane's hands came to a rest under Fai's arms. He cupped a small breast in his hand, and thought it felt too soft to belong on Fai. Something about that disconnect between the familiar face and the unexpected body was threatening to short-circuit his brain.

Fai watched him in bemusement. "Do you have a fascination with my breasts, Kuro-pon?"

Kurogane pinched a nipple lightly in retaliation for that, and Fai's breath hitched. "They don't look right on you," Kurogane observed.

He wanted to see what Fai would look like without the curse, sprawled under him naked with his hair fanned out over the couch.

"If you ever sprout breasts, Kuro-chi," Fai sounded slightly breathless, "show them to me so I can judge whether or not they look right on you."

That totally destroyed the mood. Kurogane glared down at the mage and told him so.

"A bit late for that, don't you think?" Fai's hand drew a line down the center of Kurogane's chest, pausing between his legs and pressed teasingly against his hardness.

Kurogane grunted and caught Fai's wrist, pulling it over the mage's head and trapping it beneath his hand.

"You," Kurogane groused, hovering over him, "are you always this hard to shut up during sex?"

"Mm… maybe," Fai smiled softly as his free hand traced small designs over Kurogane's arm. "Ne, Kuro-pii, at the rate you're going, we'll still be here when Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan return."

Kurogane responded with another glare, but he let Fai work his pants off him with his free hand. Kurogane released Fai's wrist in favor of his hips and pulled Fai closer until his legs framed him and folded over the back of Kurogane's knees.

He pressed his thumb pads into the dips of Fai's hips, locking him in place as Kurogane pressed a kiss to the soft skin of Fai's neck, nipping lightly and licking the marks left behind. Fai keened and Kurogane's erection throbbed in response, demanding attention but Kurogane was determined to drag this out to spite the mage.

"Kuro-sama," Fai moaned, his hands clenching on Kurogane's shoulders, "We don't want to traumatize the children!"

"Don't talk about the kids in the middle of sex, idiot!" Kurogane snapped.

Fai squirmed and arched up against him, hooking his legs around Kurogane waist and dragging them together until their pelvises touched. Kurogane bit back a groan when Fai slid against him, and then he noticed the position Fai was in and felt like groaning for another other reason altogether.

"Woah, hold it," Kurogane caught Fai by his hips and Fai whimpered in protest. "If you want to be fucked like a woman, it's over here," Kurogane ran a finger against the slick skin and Fai's head fell back with a muffed moan.

"Oh," Fai gasped. "I was wondering where that was."

This, Kurogane decided, was the most awkward sex he's had in his life.

END of chapter 1

Next: Fai thinks Kurogane only chases skirts. Kurogane thinks Fai is PMSing. Rampant miscommunication ensues.

Note: this was edited for ffNET. Go to my livejournal to see the full version by following the link on my profile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sugar and Spice **

by paperfox

Chapter 2

_Day 5_

Kurogane woke up in the middle of the night to thumps and groans and came to two conclusions. One, turning into a woman gave Fai the alcohol tolerance equivalent to that of a very small duck. And two, a hung over Fai made sounds that only a cat with a horrid nasal infection could replicate.

"Nnuugh," said Fai. There was soft shuffling, followed by a muffled thud.

Kurogane looked over his shoulder to Fai's makeshift futon and noticed the mage had one bare leg hanging over the edge with the rest of his body still tangled in the blankets, as though he had attempted getting up but didn't quite make it. With a resigned sigh, Kurogane rolled out of bed.

"Guugh," Fai said again. He propped himself up on his elbows, wiggled a little, and flopped back down.

"Quiet, the kids are sleeping," Kurogane sat down on folded legs beside him. "What do you want?"

"Mmmph," Fai tried to reach for him and grabbed at air instead.

Kurogane gave up on waiting for Fai to become coherent. He slipped an arm under Fai's shoulders, pulled him upright, and carried him to the living room. Fai yelped when Kurogane switched on the lights.

"Nugh, too bright!" Fai moaned, one hand covering his eyes and the other swatting at air blindly.

Kurogane dumped Fai on the couch and turned the lights off.

"Hangover?" he asked, unsurprised, and Fai nodded miserably.

Kurogane would have been astonished if Fai didn't have a headache, considering how Fai had decided to single-handedly polish off the half a dozen bottles of wine, to belatedly discover he had been drunk five bottles ago. The ensuing events, well, Kurogane preferred not to think about.

"How," Fai began, blinking up at him, "did I get in the bedroom last night?"

"I had to chase you down," Kurogane told him, "and force you into clothes. You wanted to stay naked and wait for the kids to come home."

Fai's brow scrunched up in confusion. "Why was I naked?"

"What!" Kurogane roared.

Kurogane hadn't been expecting some profound post-coital conversation but he hadn't been expecting to be forgotten either. Kurogane couldn't shake the feeling that the mage was only feigning forgetfulness. Kurogane scowled, his mood considerably soured.

"Oh, then we—" Fai paused, wiggled a little, and rubbed his temples. "Ow, my head." Fai flopped sideways onto the couch, and Kurogane had to quickly look away because Fai sprawled out like that provoked too many images. "Kuro-pon, get me water?" Fai nudged him with his toes.

"Get it yourself!" Kurogane snapped.

"Kuro-pon's so mean!" Fai wailed. "After you took advantage of me in my drunken state—"

"Who'd want to take advantage of you?" Kurogane raged. "You dropped yourself in my lap!"

"Ow…" Fai moaned, drawing a cushion over his face. "Keep it down, Kuro-pon!"

With a frustrated huff, Kurogane stomped out of the room and brought back a cup of water and with a slice of toast on the side.

"Finish that," Kurogane ordered, and Fai, smiling softly, thankfully kept silent.

While Fai ate, Kurogane attempted to drill holes through the back of Fai's skull with his eyes alone. It was so like Fai to deal with potential complications like this—blaming everything on a drunken haze and then conveniently forgetting it. Kurogane had been inured against Fai's perpetual distancing, but it was starting to rankle.

Fai kept running. Kurogane wondered if he should start chasing.

He took Fai's mug from his hand and set it on the coffee table, scooting forward until he cornered Fai against the armrest. There was a brief flicker of surprise in Fai's eyes, and for once, Kurogane felt as though he had the upper hand.

"Don't forget this time," Kurogane said, and kissed him.

Fai tasted like burnt toast. There were bread crumbs on his lower lip that scratched and Kurogane paused for a moment to lick them away before claiming Fai's mouth again. His hands drew aimless designs on Fai's hipbones, before tightening his grip and tugging the mage sharply onto his lap. Fai made a soft noise of surprise, muffled by Kurogane's mouth.

Fai broke away from the kiss and leaned against Kurogane, small puffs of breath tickling the side of Kurogane's chin. "Ne, Kuro-rin, I bet you were one of those little boys who would throw sand at the girl you liked because you were too socially inept to give her flowers. No subtlety at all…"

Kurogane pinched Fai's seat in retaliation and Fai made a muffled yelp.

"Don't talk," Kurogane whispered, his lips pressed against Fai's ear. "You'll wake the kids."

Which, Kurogane decided, was a really good reason he should not be doing this at all but Fai's insanity seemed to be catching.

The look that Fai shot him was a mix of incredulity and amusement. "You're a very naughty doggy at heart, Kuro-wanko," he laughed, and Kurogane kissed him again just to shut him up.

Fai hummed into the kiss, rising up on his knees as he straddled Kurogane's lap, his hands curled around Kurogane's shoulders for balance.

Kurogane had to be crazy to be doing this again, and even crazier for initiating it. This thing happening between them, whatever it was, felt like a disaster waiting to happen but Kurogane couldn't seem to stay away from Fai.

Kurogane pulled back to concentrate on stripping Fai of his clothes, and Fai laughed softly as he watched Kurogane tug impatiently at his shirt ties.

"You're determined," Fai murmured, leaning forward to nip at the underside of Kurogane's chin.

Kurogane grunted in response, cupping the back of Fai's head to pull him closer. His other hand skimmed Fai's side, feeling firm lines of lean muscle and hard ridges of bone, before closing around Fai's hips and pushing the mage sideways onto the couch. Kurogane leaned down to trap Fai beneath him with his weight and Fai yielded to him, all hard lines and soft skin, pressed against Kurogane's chest. The touches they exchanged grew more frenzied, with sharp nips interspersed with soothing kisses and the heated touch of skin against skin.

"Kuro-pon," Fai whispered suddenly, breathless, "where're my clothes?"

"Hn," Kurogane response was distracted, until the question sank in and he jerked back to stare at the mage incredulously. "What?"

Fai was looking at his arm where the shirt was hanging off him. "This is yours."

Fai deserved a title or something for his particular talent for ruining the mood. Kurogane gave a sharp, irritated sigh.

"The sleeve got burnt. You need a new one," Kurogane groused.

"What?" Fai looked horrified. "Who did that?"

"You did," Kurogane reminded him. "You were messing around in the kitchen drunk. It was amazing you didn't burn the whole house down."

Fai stared at Kurogane incredulously for a moment and started worming out of Kurogane's grip.

Kurogane tightened his hold. "What are you doing?" he asked with a note of annoyance.

"I need to check on my clothes," Fai batted at Kurogane's hands.

Kurogane twitched. Apparently in Fai's world view, his clothes had precedence over sex with him. Kurogane felt insulted.

"Leave it," Kurogane snapped, pushing Fai's hand down and yanking the loosened sleeve off his arm.

Fai pushed at his chest a few times, but Kurogane refused to budge. "You do realize if they're ruined, I will have to wear that dress?" He looked rather mournful at the idea.

Kurogane couldn't resist. He smirked. "It looks good on you."

Fai kneed him in the stomach.

Amused, Kurogane added, "It makes your breasts look bigger," just because he knew it would annoy Fai and caught the mage's thigh before Fai could knee him again.

Blue eyes glittered at him in annoyance and two bright spots of color rose in Fai's pale cheeks. Kurogane stared, captivated and not so secretly aroused. Apparently, a pissed off Fai was an instant turn-on for him, which was a sure sign Kurogane was losing it.

"Ne, Kuro-pon," Fai poked his shoulder. "I think you have a breast fetish."

"I do not!" Kurogane snapped heatedly.

If Kurogane had one, it would probably be a Fai fetish, but there was no way in hell he'd admit to that.

"I think you do," Fai insisted with a slight leer.

Fai arched his skinny torso so that a puny breast pressed against Kurogane's elbow and looked up at Kurogane coyly from under long eyelashes. Kurogane's expression shifted from shock to exasperation and Fai fell back against the couch giggling.

Kurogane glared down at the mage, "Did you ever annoy people with your idiotic ramblings so much that they refused to have sex with you?"

"Of course not," Fai said, and Kurogane decided there way no way that could have been true. "Why, is Kuro-wanwan terrified of me already?"

Kurogane gritted his teeth and seriously considered gagging the mage.

"Or maybe…" Fai paused to observe him with an expression of exaggerated seriousness, "Kuro-chi is afraid of knocking me up?"

A horrifying image of a Fai sprouting a large belly waddling around in a pink and frilly maternity dress flashed before his eyes. Kurogane choked and roared, "Is _that_ even _possible_!"

"Hm, not sure, but this curse only lasts seven days, so probably not," Fai said dismissively. He nudged Kurogane and looked pointedly at the hand Kurogane still had on Fai's thigh. "Are you going to do something with that hand?"

Kurogane was still trying to recover from the damage that image caused and stared at Fai with dazed apprehension.

Fai grinned, opening his mouth as though to add something further and hesitated. He propped himself up on his elbows and turned towards the hallway. "Did you—?"

"Shit!" Kurogane hissed and frantically grabbed at the discarded pile of clothes on the floor.

The light switched on. Kurogane froze with his hand midway between the couch and the floor and Fai went completely still, his eyes comically wide, panicked and amused all at once. Syaoran shuffled into the room, his hair a rumpled mess and his eyes still at half mast.

"Mumpf," Syaoran mumbled, scratching his head and blinking sleepily.

Kurogane wondered if he still had time to chuck Fai over the back of the couch before the kid really looked at them, because the only stitch of clothing Fai had left was a pajama bottom that was hanging off an ankle, and Kurogane really didn't think the kid needed a surprise lesson in female anatomy.

Syaoran paddled past them at a drowsy pace without a response. For all his sharpness and attention to detail, Syaoran was a zombie when half asleep. Kurogane made a mental note to drill that it out of him, but at the moment, he was praising the kid's bad habits.

Both Kurogane and Fai's heads followed Syaoran's progress across the room. Syaoran's steps slowed to a stop at the doorway to the kitchen, and Kurogane wished he could somehow silently command the kid to take the other step and a half to disappear out of sight.

Syaoran lifted his head to sniff at the air confusedly. "Something burnt?" Syaoran mumbled.

He turned to look over at the coffee table and noticed the discarded dish with a half eaten slice of toast and then directly beyond it to the bare leg hanging off the edge of the couch. Syaoran blinked twice before the full image of the two of them together registered.

Syaoran yelped and jumped back as Kurogane dived for their clothes and tossed them over Fai. Kurogane had the sudden urge to splutter awkward excuses, but with his shirt hanging from one arm and Fai mostly naked, there was no way to explain the image that they made for anything other than it was.

"Sorry!" Syaoran choked, his eyes darting about, looking at anywhere but them. "I was thirsty and I just wanted to get something… sorry! I didn't see… I mean, I still didn't see…" Syaoran covered his eyes and wailed, "I'm sorry!"

"Kid, calm down, it's okay!" Kurogane said, because it looked like Syaoran was going to self-combust right then and there.

"Sorry! I'll just go back to the couch. I mean, the _room_! Over there. Now." And then Syaoran backpedaled so quickly it was a wonder he didn't leave his head behind.

They heard rapid footsteps moving down the hall and a door urgently shutting, followed by dead silence. There was a long moment during which Kurogane despaired if Syaoran could ever respect him as a teacher again and Fai curled onto his side and started to tremble with hysterical peals of laughter.

"Kuro-pon," Fai said between giggles, "I think we're doomed to always have really, really bad sex!"

x

_Day 6_

"Do you have any idea how much money we spent in this world on _just_ your clothes?" Kurogane said.

"Do you want me to rearrange my organs in this dress?" Fai returned.

The two of them faced off outside a men's suit store and Kurogane wondered at which point Fai's mood shifted from humorous teasing to outright hormonal instability. Kurogane also wondered when they started sounding like a mismatched couple warring in street.

But looking at Fai's dress, which had a solid pale gray top with a mess of complicated ties that started between his breasts and ended just under his hips, Kurogane wasn't surprised Fai was being grouchy and easily irritable. The dress pinched purposefully. On the witch, who had ridiculous and likely magically enhanced curves, it would fit her like a glove. On Fai, who arguably only had curves if he turned forty-five degrees to the right and bent over, the dress squeezed and forced the curves out of him.

"Idiot, I didn't say not to replace your shirt," Kurogane snapped. "You're acting like a woman."

The look Fai shot him was thin and unsmiling, and he walked into the store without another word. Kurogane followed with the uneasy feeling that he was guilty of something.

"Are you here for a fitting?" the clerk came up to Kurogane, a tape measure slug over his neck.

"No, actually, it's for him—er, her," Kurogane pointed.

The clerk stared at Fai, who had wandered off and was poking at the window displays, and didn't speak for a long moment.

"Two doors down, there is a women's clothing store," the clerk enunciated slowly, as though he thought Kurogane had problems.

"He wants a men's shirt," Kurogane explained, feeling decidedly annoyed.

The clerk's eyebrows climbed up his forehead and he cleared his throat and blushed, "Well, of course it's not my business to ask about what goes on behind closed doors. If the lady wants a shirt, we'll be happy to provide the service." He gave an uneasy laugh. "Miss, if you would step over here?"

Fai, who obviously wasn't used to being addressed as such, kept wandering around until the increasingly flustered man waved at him.

"Oh, you mean me!" Fai grinned sheepishly. "Do I stand up there?"

"Yes, back to the mirrors."

Kurogane leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms, watching Fai stiffly move onto an elevated podium and the clerk shift nervously beside him. The odd sight was attracting the attention of the other three clerks who worked in the store.

"Why does he want his wife dressed up in men's clothes?" he heard someone murmur behind him.

"Kid, after thirty years in business, you'll realize there are some things you just don't want to know," a deeper, older voice replied.

Kurogane twitched.

"Miss, stay still!" the clerk fumbled with the measuring tape.

Fai was shaking with silent laughter, apparently having eavesdropped on the conversation. Catching Fai's mirthful eyes, Kurogane shot him a heated glare and stomped off, determined to get as far away from Fai as possible.

Kurogane didn't know how they graduated onto being a married couple and why he was constantly being labeled as the one with the weird sex kink. It seemed that annoying things happened just being around Fai.

"Don't mind him, he's just shy," he heard Fai say to the clerks.

The clerk muttered something Kurogane didn't catch.

Fai chuckled. "Kuro-rin may not look it, but he's a big softie inside."

Kurogane could feel a tick developing in his right eye.

The clerk hummed and remarked, "You sound like a happily married lady."

"Oh, but we're not married," Fai said with a tragic note. "Terrible circumstances have been keeping us apart. We met a year ago and it was love at first sight, but our families opposed the match, so we fled with plans to elope in secret! To keep them from finding us, I have to disguise myself as a man…"

At that point, Kurogane stopped listening because the tick by his eye was threatening to spread to the rest of his face.

x

_Day 7_

Sometime in the middle of the seventh day, Syaoran turned to Kurogane and asked, "Is Fai-san okay?"

Kurogane gritted his teeth and grumbled, "Of course he is," and kept on walking.

Fai was jammed on his 'annoy Kuro-daddy' mode. His antics didn't end after the suit store and this morning, everything on Kurogane's plate was done in perfect miniature breast motifs. Before Kurogane could corner Fai to speak to him, the mage insisted on making the last day a 'mother daughter' day and promptly threw Kurogane and Syaoran out of the house.

Truly, Fai had a childish and immature streak in him—if it's bothering you, tease it to death.

Kurogane was getting the sneaking suspicion that Fai was pissed at him, which was ridiculous and a bit unfair considering he'd been taking the brunt of Fai's insanity since the curse and if there was anyone who deserved to be pissed, Kurogane felt that it should have been him.

Syaoran continued worriedly, "It's just that for the past few days, Fai-san's been—"

"Acting like a nutcase?" Kurogane finished for him.

Syaoran shook his head, biting his lower lip nervously, and ploughed on. "Kurogane-san, I'm very sorry if you and Fai-san are fighting because of me!"

Kurogane stared at the Syaoran incredulously, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"That night… erm, with the couch," Syaoran blushed and looked at the floor.

"Oh, _that_," Kurogane paused, wondering if he should feel embarrassed for not being as properly horrified as he should have been in that situation. Evidently, Syaoran had credited Fai and Kurogane with more propriety than they actually had. "No, don't worry about it. And we're not fighting."

Fighting would imply that they actually had something beyond one and a half failed attempts at sex, which they didn't.

That worsened Kurogane's mood.

Syaoran looked at Kurogane and said, "Kurogane-san, I'll leave a pitcher of water on the nightstand so I won't interrupt you and Fai-san next time."

The kid looked completely serious. Kurogane wanted to laugh. And then he realized there might not be a next time and was no longer amused.

Kurogane wasn't going to let Fai to run from this. He knew when this was over, Fai would snap back into his usual routine and move on as though the past week never happened. Kurogane was tired of being brushed off as some chemically induced accident.

That night, dinner was tense. Kurogane watched the mage intently, but Fai avoided his gaze and engaged the princess in lively conversation. Suddenly, halfway through the meal, Fai dropped his silverware and stood sharply from the table.

"Fai-san?" Sakura said worriedly.

Fai smiled reassuringly, "Aa, I think I… this…" he stopped talking abruptly and disappeared into the kitchen.

Kurogane followed him, shutting the door behind him. Fai was leaning against the counter, his hands gripping the sides tightly until his knuckles turned white.

"Is it the curse?" Kurogane asked.

Fai nodded stiffly.

"It's dissipating a few hours early," Kurogane observed.

"These things are never perfectly accurate," Fai muttered, and then his breath hitched and he hutched over with a sharp hiss.

Kurogane grabbed Fai's upper arm as he started to slip and felt the currents of magic flowing through the mage's skin, tickling Kurogane's palm and making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Fai leaned against him for a moment, catching his breath.

When Fai straightened and examined himself curiously, Kurogane thought it was a comfort to see Fai look familiar again. Kurogane's hand tightened reflexively on Fai's arm as he began to pull away, and Fai turned to him, blue eyes glittering questioningly.

"I prefer you like this," Kurogane noted.

Fai grinned, the familiar and infuriatingly silly smile of his, and reached up to pinch Kurogane on the cheeks. "And I prefer Kuro-pon like this!" he said, tugging Kurogane's face into a grin. "Hyu, so happy!"

Kurogane caught his wrists before Fai could retreat and held firm, glaring.

"Stop with the damn jokes," he growled. "Why do you have to make things so difficult?"

Fai's expression faltered, "Kuro-sama…"

"Stop talking, and just listen for a minute," Kurogane said, his hands firm around Fai's wrists. "I don't know what you thought this week meant, but it better not be you just satisfying your curiosity because I want this."

There was more Kurogane wanted to say, like '_I want you'_ or '_I want more_' or '_I want everything you'll give me_' but it was too soon and he couldn't.

Fai hesitated and asked, "You didn't like my sexy breasts?" His tone was light but his eyes were serious and Kurogane wanted to smack the mage and laugh at the same time.

It was amusing beneath that razor sharp wit and iron clad smile, Fai still had silly insecurities like this, and Kurogane supposed he should feel insulted that Fai thought he'd be trivial enough to do that sort of thing, but mostly, Kurogane was amused.

"No, it was your pissed off face," Kurogane admitted, unembarrassed, and Fai's eyebrows climbed his forehead.

Fai looked confused, and then he back to Kurogane's teasing comments and his face lit up in understanding. Fai flopped, bumping his head against Kurogane's shoulder, his whole body shaking as he laughed.

"Kuro-sama," he said, breathlessly, "I don't think your fetish with seeing me angry is going to improve our really horrible sex life!"

Fai's laugh ended abruptly as Kurogane sealed his lips with a kiss, because a declaration like that was more of a challenge.

END

And the rest is up to your imagination.

And because a crack!fic deserves a crack!ending…

OMAKE!

_Tokyo_

Kurogane didn't think it was possible to be sick when they haven't eaten in at least thirty hours but Fai was slouched against a wall, puking his guts out for the third time since arriving. Kurogane stood beside him and held Fai's hair back from his face.

"You're an idiot," Kurogane was telling him, because only Fai could get ill just breathing and Kurogane was _not _worried about him. "Aren't magicians supposed to have good luck?"

"Never had good luck…" Fai said petulantly between dry heaves. He leaned into Kurogane to catch his breath, looking miserable.

"You're not feverish," Kurogane frowned. "What's wrong with you?"

A few members from the group of archers were eyeing the mage in apparent fascination, and that creepy kid with cat eyes had an odd look of speculation on his face.

"There's a second life in him," Kamui said, finally. "He's pregnant."

Kurogane didn't think anybody breathed during that stretch of silence. He was too busy clearing out his ears wondering if something had gone wrong with his hearing.

"Say that again?" Fai's smile was shaky. "I don't think Mokona translated it correctly."

… _just kidding._

end.


End file.
